I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
