i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
