I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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