I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
