I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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