i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
