guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
