Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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