I think I am morally bankrupt
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
