im six kinds of drunk right now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
