HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
