I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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