glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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