so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
