I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm at about main and main street
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
