I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
