There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
