mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
