I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
