do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
