At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize