): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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