Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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