shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
