I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
