her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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