She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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