I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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