she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
