I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize