somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
