I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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