Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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