Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
