dude i'm inner monologue high
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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