if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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