remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
