In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
