mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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