Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
