I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
