he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
