in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
