Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
