ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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