she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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