white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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