you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
