You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
