Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
nutella sex= disaster
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
