no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
