they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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