I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
