nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
