Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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