So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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