Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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