It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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