I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
