so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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