I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
