Need sex. Gaining weight.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
