my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
