I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
