im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
